Nothing But Moments
by SparkELee
Summary: Their times together were never long, never more then a night, sometimes no more then 5 minutes. But they take those moments, because they're all they have.
1. It's NEVER That Simple

Current/Future Fic

Break Through

Chapter 1: It's Never THAT Simple

_Good people have needs too….._

**Noah:** Come over.

**Berry:** I can't. Finn will be here soon.

**Noah:** How long is he gonna be there?

**Berry:** For awhile. We're studying.

**Noah:** I'll be outside your room at 11.

**Berry:** Noah….

**Noah: **Whatever Berry. You know you'll be alone.

"Hey!" His voice startled her as she finished reading Noah's last text message. She nonchalantly slipped her phone back into its pouch and turned to face her boyfriend.

"Hi. I'm glad you came over!" She exclaimed as she threw her arms around Finn's neck.

It had been a long hard road for the two of them. It had taken him the remainder of the school year to move past what had happened to him.

She'd been there by his side, she'd done her best to weather the storm. She'd listened to every rant, she'd soothed his crying jags and let him yell when he needed to get it out.

And it had taken its toll on the starlet-to be. Being someone else's rock, especially someone as needy as Finn had turned out to be, was emotionally draining. So she looked for a vice of her own, some way to work out her own stresses.

She'd never expected that vice to be a certain mohawked football player. But it had worked surprisingly well. Both of them were hurting, both of them needed a way to blow off steam.

To say it started it out as an accident would be lying. But she'd rather lie than admit that it had 100% NOT been an accident.

Long ago, she'd recognized the chemistry (at least physically) that existed between her and Noah. And when Finn had taken his (temporary) leave from Glee, Noah had been pushed into his spot, much to the chagrin of everyone (except for Rachel) in glee.

He'd been grateful for her acceptance. He might not have ever said or shown it, but he was. And she seemed to get that.

Just like he got how much pain she was in. He knew Finn was putting her through the ringer. He knew Finn didn't know what he was doing. And he wasn't going to tell him, they weren't friends anymore.

So, instead, he focused on her, on glee. Because, sad as it sounded, it was basically all he had left.

It happened after a rendition of "Break Through". They'd been practicing (by themselves of course, she'd always insisted on additional rehearsals, and her being his only fan/friend, he complied, though not without a remark and an eye roll).

The school was nearly empty and the auditorium was dim. They'd run through the choreography several times, because he was only a marginally better dancer than Finn. It seemed like every time he did a step right, he missed a line, or vice versa.

On their final attempt, he managed to hold it together and they got through it flawlessly.

He blamed Rachel. She'd rewarded him with a small smile and a warm hug.

Noah hugged her back. Because, fuck, it had been a really long time since he'd had a hug. He wasn't a girl or anything, but the weight of the world was a lot when you didn't have anyone on your side.

That moment appeared to be their defining moment. Things changed after that. It was clear (without words ever being spoken) they were both in need of a support system.

They lasted two weeks as "friends" before the line was crossed.

She'd found him sitting on the hood of her car, gazing off into the dark sky.

"You're looking quite tumultuous Noah. Is everything alright?" She asked tentatively.

While he didn't know what the 'tumultuous' meant, he got the gist.

"Not so much. It's been a shitty ass day and now my truck won't start. Can I grab a ride home?" He asked, not even making eye contact.

Instead of lecturing him on his inappropriate language, she nodded and pressed 'unlock' on her keyless entry.

The drive was silent. Ghostly silent. A part of him wanted her to talk, that would at least feel normal. This silence she was offering him was unnerving to say the least.

He quietly gave her the necessary directions to his home and they resumed their unnerving silence.

She pulls into his driveway and cuts the engine.

_Here she goes._

"Have a nice evening Noah." She told him quietly.

His jaw slackened. He'd expected her to verbally assault him and instead she offers him a polite goodbye?

"What gives Berry?!?!?" He finally ground out a moment later.

She scrunched her brow in confusion.

"With YOU. Why aren't you jabbering my ear off right now??!" He asked, his tone indicated that he obviously was not joking.

"I'm sorry but I was under the impression that I make you want to light yourself on fire, I should think my silence would be a welcome break in the pattern." She replied softly.

It was his turn to scrunch his brow in confusion.

"You… You were being quiet because you thought I wanted you to be?" He asked at last.

She nodded, her face a bit red with embarrassment.

"Why?" He questioned.

She shrugged lightly, not making eye contact. "Well, it seemed to make me more bearable to you, make you feel better, so I guess, with us hanging out, and not really having anyone else, it just… I guess…" She trailed off, more than a little flustered by her inability to form cohesive sentences.

He grinned at her and her mangled response.

Before he realized what was happening, she covered his lips with her own.

It wasn't a new feeling, they'd made out before. But this time, there was a distinct lack of desperation, force. It was soft and her hand had found his bicep and squeezed gently.

He'd barely had time to register her actions before she'd pulled away, apparently mistaking his shock for distaste.

She turned those big dark eyes on him now. "Was that not what you wanted?" She asked, her voice quiet and confused.

He responded by cupping her neck and pulling her towards him, all of sudden feeling desperation for the feel of her lips on his.

Maybe it was because she needed him…. Or maybe it was because he was just… needed.


	2. Necessary Evil

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

A/N 2: For the purposes of this story, Puck and Rachel are both juniors.

Chapter 2: Necessary Evil

**June 2010**

_You can live with anything if you don't think about it too much…_

Rachel stood stock still, her head poked out of her room, her eyes trained on her parents bedroom door.

She strained to hear. Nothing. Just the occasional snore from one of her dads.

Satisfied they were sound asleep, she tiptoed down the stairs and padded to the back sliding glass door, the big oak front door made too much noise.

She saw the bright red of his letterman jacket approaching as she silently slid the door open. Her pulse quickened when he came into view and somewhere in the back of her mind, the voice of her conscious was trying to break though, trying to convince her to go back up to her room and go to sleep.

That voice…. She'd quit listening to that voice a long time ago. That voice… It was too much. She felt too awful.

It was much simpler to just push it down and drown it out. Life was easier if she didn't think about it. Her cheeks wouldn't burn with embarrassment; her head wouldn't drop in shame. As long as she could push the voice down, she could make it.

Wordlessly he grabbed her wrist and pulled her out, barely giving her a moment to shut the door.

Rarely did their little trysts occur in her home. Only when her dads weren't there would she venture to grant him access to her bedroom. Somehow that felt like a violation of a boundary, the crossing of a line….

She fought the urge to laugh bitterly at herself. Clearly her actions as of late were nothing but crossing lines and violating boundaries.

He held his grip on her wrist as they made their way through the small patch of trees at the edge of her yard, towards his truck bed. She walked quickly, almost trotting to keep up with his pace.

She scrambled up into the old metal bed with the help of his hand on her ass, pushing her up, she barely made in it before his hands were on her.

The heat of his hands on her cool skin sent goose bumps racing down her body. She clutched at his leather jacket while his fingers climbed up her pajama top.

A moment later he let out a groan of happiness as his palm met her bare breast. That was one of the nice things about getting her late at night, no underwear of any sort.

Which meant no panties either….

His hand vacated her chest in favor of the motherland below her waist.

Rachel had arched her body into his under his ministrations. She'd panted and whispered in his ear, licked the spot on his neck where his pulse banged erratically. She'd flicked his jeans open with her now practiced hands and found him more than ready for her.

Half an hour later they were still laying in the back of the truck bed, clothes still slightly skewed but their frantic grope session was over.

They weren't cuddling. They didn't do that. That… That was intimate.

They were not intimate. They never had been. What they had was complicated, it was messy. It was also destructive, self serving and painful. But it served a purpose, make no mistake, their actions were intentional and as far as they were concerned, necessary.

"Have you slept with him yet?" He asked shortly.

She knew that tone all too well and this wasn't the first time he'd posed this question. He didn't like that he was asking the question, but he wasn't able to stop himself. He needed to know, he needed to know she wasn't sharing this part of herself with anyone else..

He knew there would come a point where he'd have to share her, where their most secretive, small world would be invaded. He knew. And when that time came, he'd deal. But it hadn't come yet. So he'd keep asking.

And she didn't chastise him for it. She got it. She got it because every time she saw him flirt with a mindless cheerio in the hallway, her blood burned in her veins and eyes would blur with confusion filled tears.

"No."

"Good."

Somewhere inside her, a spark of hope ignited. Her heart urged her to act on it. But her head knew better.

Deciding to follow her ever pragmatic brain, she slowly sat up and re-adjusted her clothing.

"Heading back?" He asked, not moving from his spot.

She nodded.

"K. You free tomorrow night?" He continued, his gaze trained on her ass.

Again, all she did was nod. She wasn't actually free, but they were past the point of putting up a fight.

She'd tried, many times, to fight him off, reminding him she had a boyfriend, a family, a dream. He'd listen to her run through the same speech every time, somehow he understood this wasn't for his benefit, it was for hers, it was cathartic for her, it was her reminder that she existed outside of him, outside of their moments.

When she was done, he'd simply smirk and toss her a flippant "Later Berry." Sometimes accompanied by a swat on the ass, other times a tug on her hair, and if he was feeling kind, a kiss on the side of her cheek, by her ear. He'd let it go because he knew, he knew she talked a good game but he got her every time.

And really, he'd been no better. She'd come to him, not as often as he'd go to her, but she'd still do it. And he made her work for it. He made her ask, and plead, and beg before he'd give in. She wasn't humiliated by her behavior because well, she'd get what she wanted, and really, didn't the end justify the means?

But some point, they'd just stopped. She stopped lecturing him, and he'd stopped making her beg for it.

They just… Gave in to one another. They gave in, not because they wanted to, but because they had to.

"Good night Berry."

"Good night Noah."

FINISH! Chapter 3 coming soon!


	3. Birth

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

A/N 2: For the purposes of this story, Puck and Rachel are both juniors.

A/N 3: Ok, so for the purposes of my story, Quinn's giving birth in August of 2010.

Chapter 3: Birth

**August 2010**

Rachel was hot. She was sticky, cranky and hot.

August was always Lima's hottest month but it seemed even hotter this year. It was late, after midnight and as hard as she tried, Rachel couldn't get to sleep.

She'd tried everything before resorting to lying on top of her blankets, completely nude, her fan blowing semi-hot air across her body.

Rachel was seconds away from a total meltdown when her phone lit up. She didn't even glance at the time, she knew it was late enough to only be one person.

She fumbled for her phone, squinting as it as her eyes adjusted to the sudden white light.

**Noah:** Are you up? I need you to be awake.

There was something different about this text. Normally, his requests had a sexual undertone to them. This one didn't, it seemed more desperate.

**Berry:** I am. What's wrong?

**Noah:** Not going into it over text. I'll be at your window in 5 minutes.

Even more concerned, she slipped out of bed and pulled a pair of thin black shorts and a white tank top. She pulled her hair into a bun, desperate to get it off her face.

Just as she slid her window open, he was there, crawling in.

She kept her light off, the moon casting more then enough light into her bedroom.

One look at his expression and she knew this wasn't a normal visit. She took a tentative step towards him and rested her hand on his forearm.

"Noah?" She asked softly.

"My daughter was born 2 hours ago. We didn't even name her, I didn't even hold her. I saw her once… They took her away. The nurse said I could visit her in the nursery but… I… I couldn't. I knew if I did, I'd tear up the adoption papers. And adoption, that's the best thing, right?" He finished, his voice quiet and his tone wavered.

"You did the right thing Noah. You gave her a chance at a life you and Quinn couldn't give her." Rachel whispered softly as she wrapped him in her arms.

"Why does it feel like I just royally fucked up then?" He questioned into her neck, his arms wrapped tightly around her.

"I know it hurts now, but soon, it'll hurt less. And one day, it'll just be an ache, but you'll be able to live with it. I promise." She told him, her voice soft and soothing against his cheek.

"Rach?" He rarely used her given name, even now, after everything that had gone on between them.

"Yes Noah?"

"I'm sorry… I know we don't… We don't do this but I didn't really know… I guess I didn't have anyone else." He muttered out, his eyes shining with emotions he wasn't comfortable experiencing, let alone talking about.

Wordlessly, she analyzed the situation in front of her. Then, after careful deliberation, she reached down and slowly slid her shorts off, her top following directly after.

He didn't say anything, he just watched. While his normal predatory gleam was absent, he was still unable to pull his eyes away from her. She took a step forward and grasped his hand in hers. She pulled him to her connected bathroom.

After shutting and securing the door behind them, she turned the water to a tepid temperature before turning her attention back to him.

Quietly, she pulled his shirt over his head and pushed his basketball short to his feet. He stepped out of them dutifully, his eyes never leaving her.

She took hold of his hand once again and led him to the shower. She climbed in first, he was second.

Both quietly marveled in the faintly cold water cooling down their heat soaked bodies

She stepped from the spray to allow him to feel the water sluice down his back. He tilted his head back and sighed.

Her eyes never moved from his face. He pulled his head up and his eyes caught her gaze. He took two quick steps forward and she found herself trapped between the cool shower wall and his rock hard chest.

_Not such a terrible place to be._

His lips dropped to hers and where she was expecting their normal frenzied teeth mashing, she got long, slow, laborious kisses. His hands snaked lazily down her body. He didn't grab or grope. He touched and caressed. His fingers were feather light against her breasts, the tips of them bringing her nipples to hard peaks.

His touch was softer, his kisses longer, more explorative. When he held onto her hips, he didn't dig his fingers into her sides like he usually did; he trailed them along the curve of her hip bone instead.

When he got close, he didn't dig his teeth into her shoulder. He lightly sucked and gently nipped at her collar bone, sending a round of intense shivers down her spine.

She grasped onto him as her legs began to give out. The words he whispered into her ears weren't dirty or naughty. They were sexy and the lower timbre of his voice made her want to melt into him.

As she came down off her high, her brain began to clear. And she got it. She got what he'd been trying to accomplish.

He wanted-needed, to show someone he could care, he could love, he could be sensitive. He needed to prove that to himself just as much to the rest of the world.

Noah stepped out first, holding a towel out to her as he dried off.

Rachel accepted the towel and dried herself off, shivering slightly as the air hit her cool body.

"I… Umm…. I…Not really great at this sort of thing." He murmured, slightly embarrassed.

Her motions stilled as she listened to him try to explain what had just happened. And as badly as she wanted to hear it, as much as she wanted to know what he thought of what just happened, it was clear, now more than ever, the boy needed a free pass.

"It's OK. I get it." She whispered as she dropped the towel and stepped toward him. She covered his lips with hers in a sweet kiss.

Noah found himself falling into her kiss, her taste invading his senses. Just when he'd gotten comfortable, she pulled back.

"You should probably head home, I can imagine your mother is concerned." Rachel suggested softly.

She knew him too well. He never stayed long after their trysts. So she gave him yet another out.

But, truth be told, where he was, standing in front of Rachel, her profile lit by the moonlight, he didn't really want to leave.

He knew the rules though. After one last look, he nodded his head.

Silently, they walked to the window. He reached out and squeezed her hand, tightly. She let her gaze fall to their joined hands.

After a moment, he let go and made his way down the tree.

She closed the window and returned to her bed. Only then did she allow herself to cry. She didn't sob, her chest didn't heave. It was much quieter. A few tears pooled and spilled over onto her cheeks, each running its own river down her face. She cried. She cried for the boy who never quite totally belonged to her. She cried because he never would.

His feet hit the ground the moment the tears finally broke through. He wasn't a crier, not by a long shot. But in that brief spot in time, he allowed himself a moment to cry. He cried for the daughter he'd never know. He cried for the life he wouldn't get to give her. And somewhere in deep, un-visited corner of his mind, he cried for the girl two stories up from him, the girl that he'd never go to sleep with, never wake up with. A girl who was only his in the darkest hours of the night.


	4. From Private to Public

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

A/N 2: For the purposes of this story, Puck and Rachel are both juniors.

Chapter 4: From Private to Public

_Risks are aphrodisiacs to the wicked._

**October 2010**

"Like that costume. Sexy witch looks good on you." His breath tickled the back of her neck.

An involuntary shiver coursed down her spine. She rolled her eyes but it was for effect only. Truth be told, she lapped up any attention he gave her outside of their little 'world' like a parched animal.

"I'm Elphaba, thank you very much, sans green paint though, it's quite messy." She corrected him.

As she turned to face him, her eyes automatically scanned the vicinity for suspicious eyes. They were on the screened in back porch of Brittany's shockingly large home. And at the present moment, they were alone.

Not that it would be hard to get lost in the crowd, the girl knew everybody, and well, apparently everybody came. Rachel hadn't seen Finn in over half an hour. As his girlfriend, that should bother her, but at that moment, Finn was not at the forefront of her mind.

She felt his feather light touch on her hip, felt his hand gathering up the flimsy material, the tips of his fingers just barely grazing her fishnet stocking clad thigh.

"Wow, fishnets… Very naughty Berry, very naughty…. And very hot. Got a few minutes? We could sneak out to the pool house, I know where she keeps the key."

Rachel felt the ever present internal tug of war begin inside of her, as it so often did when it came to Noah's requests. While she knew she'd always give in, there was always that brief moment of indecision.

Her brown eyes flicked back to the party raging inside. No one had even spared a glance in their general direction.

That moment she felt his hand slip into hers. His fingers always laced with hers perfectly. She didn't let her mind focus on the linking of their fingers for too long though, mainly because he was doing it to take charge of the situation.

Sure enough, a moment later, he began tugging at her, pulling her towards the back steps.

Just as they'd made it to the bottom, she heard a voice. _His_ voice.

"Rach?"

"Fuck." She heard Noah whisper under his breath.

Without thinking, she shoved Noah into shadows and rushed up the stairs.

"Hey you!" She greeted, her voice full of false excitement.

_Good thing Finn's a dumb ass… Anyone with half a brain would've seen right through that half assed hello._

As much as Noah would have liked to point that out to Finn, he knew better. He knew his place and if he wanted to remain in good graces, he'd stay there.

"Where'd you go?" Finn questioned happily.

"Oh…. I uhh… I just needed a little fresh air, get away from the party…" She fumbled out as her dirty little secret hid in the shadows, watching her uncertain movements.

"Oh, ok. I just missed you, that's all. Wanna dance?" He asked hopefully.

Rachel shifted her weight and fought her internal desire to glance back over her shoulder, into the shadows, where Noah was watching. She could feel his gaze burning a hole in her back and it was unnerving to say the least.

"Yeah, but I need to use the restroom first. I'll meet you out there, Ok?" She suggested after a moment. She thanked her lucky stars it was dark, because she was sure the lie was written all over her face.

He followed her as she strode inside. "OK babe, I'll see you in a few." He agreed amiably, giving her arm a squeeze before returning to the living room, leaving her to disappear upstairs. She made it to the bathroom just as her phone vibrated.

**Noah:** This house is fucking huge. Which bathroom?

**Berry:** Second floor. All the way at the end of the hall, near the kitchen stairs.

Her heart was pounding in her chest. They'd done it in a lot of places, but never with so many people around.

Not even thirty seconds later, there was a soft knock. She turned the knob and he stepped in.

She opened her mouth to speak but he covered hers with his own. He pushed the door shut, the sound of the metallic lock turning was lost on her as he pressed her up against the door, both his hands sliding underneath her skirt.

Her hands slid into the short hairs of his mohawk, yanking his head closer to hers.

Noah slid his hands up the back of her thighs, moaning in excitement when he realized they were thigh high stockings. His hand gripped her thighs as his fingers inched upwards, nearly coming undone when he discovered she was going commando.

"You do this for me baby?" He asked hoarsely as he dragged a finger across her center.

She let out a low moan and arched her body against his. He gripped her hips and picked her legs up off the ground, swinging her around to sit on the vanity.

A moment later, they both let out collective moans. After that, all that could be heard were deep sighs and low frenzied whispers of encouragement.

10 minutes later, she was smooth her hair back into place and straightening her dress.

He quickly pulled up the pants of his pirate costume and turned to face the flushed brunette in front of him.

"We should probably get back out there. I'll go first." She told him, making a move towards the door.

Taking a step forward, he caged her against the sink. "That was pretty hot baby." He whispered against her neck.

As always, she felt her resolve slipping away. How was it that she could so easily dismiss Finn but she couldn't refuse the boy with the dangerous green eyes?

"Noah…" She sighed out, her breath flitting over his ear, making him shudder. She couldn't help the smirk that slid onto her face.

"C'mon Berry. I think you owe me, considering how you shoved me away the moment you heard Finn."

"You know I had to, and you know I'm sorry." She retorted, feeling his hands come to a rest on her ass.

"Yes, I know. Just like I know you aren't going to fight me on this. I'll be at your house at 2 am. Leave the window open and you can show me just how sorry you are."

She dropped her head to his shoulder.

_Just like a drug…._

A moment later, he heard the low, quiet response.

"Ok."

Like?


	5. Spring Break

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 5: Spring Break

_Beware of the sand, the shore, and the sugary sweet daiquiri treats._

**April 2011**

Puck's dark sunglasses shaded his eyes well as they roamed over the scenery in front of him. There are few things in life that ranked above watching drunken girls prance around in bikinis on the beach.

In fact, the only thing better was watching Rachel prance around in a bikini, which was what he was currently doing.

He watched his favorite dirty little secret splash in the Florida surf with Tina and Quinn. Her bright blue two piece suit was doing things to him that he wasn't prepared to take care of on his own.

One glance around the general vicinity showed no evidence of Finn, just how Puck liked it.

His attention focused back on the joyous brunette. Her hair was pulled back into a haphazard bun and aviator sunglasses were perched on her nose. His mouth ran dry as she leaned over to scoop up something from the water.

Her breasts strained against the blue fabric, pushing to spring free.

He closed his eyes and groaned. He was on spring break, he should be hooking up with random girls in town for the week, not staring at the one he got the pleasure of sexing up on a fairly regular basis.

_Fuck this, I can't sit here and just watch._

She was well aware of his eyes on her. Their little 'relationship' had been going on long enough for her to know when he was staring.

The intensity of his gaze was slowly turning her on, her legs were becoming a bit jello-like so she headed to her towel, intent on laying down and bathing in the sun.

He watched her make her way to her towel and pulled out his phone.

**Noah:** Nice rack Berry.

**Berry:** Thought you'd like this suit

**Noah:** Gonna need a closer look. Midnight. Under that abandoned pier half mile down.

Puck glanced up to see her turn her head in the direction of the pier. A moment later, her gaze fell on him. She gave him the slightest of nods.

She gave brief thought to the excuse she'd feed her boyfriend, mentally running through all the options, before deciding on the simplest, most effective. 'I don't feel well, I'm going to bed.'

As she settled herself back onto her towel, her mind wandered to Finn. Long ago, she'd stopped asking herself why, why she was doing this. She'd stopped asking because she'd figured out why. She wasn't doing it TO Finn (not in her mind) she was doing it for him. Somewhere along the way, Puck had become necessary, like oxygen. Puck made it possible for her to be with Finn.

Her life… It was a 100 piece puzzle. Finn was holding 98 of them. And Puck… Puck had two, just two. But those two pieces…. They were so much more important that she'd originally thought they'd be. Two pieces she wasn't about to give up.

By 11:45 that evening, he was heading towards the pier, blanket in hand because hell, he didn't really feel like cleaning sand out of his ass. In his other hand he held a flask of rum and coke.

He'd no sooner laid his blanket out and plopped down when she came into view.

Rachel sat down beside him, silently nodded as she moved over him.

They say their in a comfortable silence, the only audible noise was the ocean lapping against the old wood of the pier.

Right next to each other, not speaking, not touching, just…. Listening.

If Noah had taught her anything, it was how to appreciate the silences. She'd learned he said more with his silence then she ever did with her dictionary-esque vocabulary.

She steepled her knees and draped her arms over them, releasing a small sigh.

"You're leaving for school in a few months." He stated, his tone flat and void of emotion.

But she knew what it meant. She'd been around him for long enough. He wasn't happy. Wasn't she wasn't sure of was WHY.

Was it because he wouldn't see her anymore?

Or was it because he wouldn't see her _naked_ anymore?

She knew better than to hope it was the former (that spark of hope had burned out long ago) and settled on the latter being the likely cause of his unhappiness.

"That's the plan." She replied softly.

"What about you and the man-child?"

He couldn't resist. Call him a sucker for pain but he'd gotten very good at asking questions whose answers tortured him.

She humored him. She always did.

"He… He thinks we should give long distance a shot." Rachel replied, her brown eyes trained on the darkened view in front of them.

"And what do you think?"

She heaved a sigh. "I think…. Well… I guess I think we should too."

He nodded though she couldn't see him.

"So I guess after graduation we're done?"

There was finality in his words, a finality she didn't like at all. It stung her, it made her heart squeeze painfully in her chest. Silently, she cursed herself for allowing her heart to get involved in the fucked up relationship that was her and Puck.

She cleared her throat as she tried to pull herself together, tried to vocalize her thoughts, tried to squeeze back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"Damn it Puck." She whispered so softly he wasn't sure he'd heard her.

It wasn't as if they didn't know this was coming, the end, the finale. They had barely a month left of school. This would likely be one of their last moments together.

As the realization washed over her, an overwhelming sadness came to rest on her shoulders.

He must've been feeling it too, he wrapped one muscular arm around her shoulders and hauled her closer.

"You know, New York's not that far… What, like 9 hours? We could meet up half way… It doesn't have to be the end." He tried like hell to keep the desperation out of his voice.

What he didn't know what the desperation was exactly what she needed to hear. She rested a hand on his knee.

"And there's always the holidays…." She trailed off as she felt his tongue trace the outer shell of her ear.

"I could come up for your birthday…" He suggested as he nipped at her earlobe.

"Maybe we could meet up for spring break next year." She whispered as he laid her back onto the soft blanket.

"Sounds perfect." Were the last words she heard before the bliss took over.

No more words on the subject were necessary. They were going to continue on as they had been, both too stubborn to admit it was more than physical, both too oblivious to see the other one felt the same.

Like this one? Might be my favorite.


	6. What Do You Mean No?

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 6: What Do You Mean No?

_The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself._

**July 2011**

"What's up Berry?" He asked into the phone after she picked up on the third ring.

"Wrapping Finn's birthday gift. What are you up to?" She questioned as she switched to speakerphone so she could finish taping up the wrapping paper.

"Thinking about your hot ass legs wrapped around my waist." He stated boldly, his lips curling into a smirk as he gave his answer.

A statement of that graphic nature coming from anyone else would have elicited a bright pink blush and a 20 minute lecture on proper conversation etiquette.

But somehow, when Noah said it, it had quite the opposite effect. She found herself slightly turned on by his brazenly sexual innuendos.

And he knew it, which only seemed to fuel the fire.

"Come over tonight." He suggested, his voice lowering an octave.

The coil of heat in her stomach clenched then slowly uncoiled.

"Noah… I can't. You know that."

"No, I don't know that."

"It's his birthday. You know that. You've known him since elementary school."

He knew it was a mistake to ask. He _knew_ that. He knew he wouldn't…. he couldn't come first.

So why did he insist on putting himself in this place? Why did he keep asking her to pick?

"You're leaving in two weeks." He reminded her quietly, mentally slapping himself for sounding so pathetic.

Her eyes closed as she took a steadying breath. She picked up the phone and clicked it off speakerphone.

"I know I'm leaving Noah." She replied quietly.

"Going to make time for me?" He asked bluntly.

Her eyes burned with unshed tears. "I'll try, but I can't make any promises." She said at last, her voice cool and aloof.

"Wouldn't want you to agree to anything you can't totally commit yourself to." He shot back, his words laced with sarcasm.

The jab at her relationship with Finn wasn't lost on her.

"Goodbye Noah." She told him quietly and hung up.

She tossed her phone on the bed and swiped at the tears running down her face.

_Why does he have to make it so difficult?_

Truth be told, she knew the sane thing, the right thing… was end things with Noah and focus on Finn.

But there were days… Days where Noah made her ache so much that she wondered if maybe she had it backwards.

Because only a man she loved with her entire being could make her feel an ache as deep as the one she felt at that moment.

She pushed those thoughts down for the moment, she had a boyfriend with a birthday to attend to.

He stomped upstairs to his room, his eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched.

She shouldn't get to him like this. (But she always has, and probably always will.)

It should have just rolled off his back. (Nothing ever rolled off his back when it came to her.)

It wasn't an attack. (Even though it felt like it.)

Granted, it was a dick move to ask her to blow off Finn on his birthday. He knew she'd have to turn him down. He knew he'd get pissed at her.

And really, he was much better at being angry at her then caring about her. Anger he could deal with.

He'd been asleep for a few hours when he felt a hand on his leg. He cracked an eye open and saw her sitting on the edge of his bed.

"What time is it?" He asked, his voice low and thick with sleep.

"2 am." Was her soft response.

"Why are you here?" He questioned as he sat up.

She shrugged lightly, her eyes trained on the window. As confident as she normally was, at this moment, looking him in the eye seemed impossible.

He sighed heavily. He knew he owed her an apology. It was never supposed to get this messy or this complicated.

"Listen Rach, I'm sorry… That was shitty. I shouldn't have put you in that spot." He told her quietly.

She didn't say anything, her eyes gazing out the window intently. He laid a hand on her arm.

"How did it get like this? How did it get so…." She trailed off sadly.

"Complicated?" He supplied wearily.

She nodded her agreement.

He ran a calloused hand through his sleep mussed mohawk.

"Who we are I guess." He replied at last.

She finally turned her eyes to him. "What does that even mean?" She asked, her voice soft and slightly ragged.

"It means that we're fucked up enough on our own, so this, whatever this is, was never going to be simple." He explained as he maintained his grip on her arm.

"And we did it anyway."

"Kind of proves the point doesn't it?" He responded with a small smile.

She crawled up the bed and molded her body to his. His arm came down around her and gathered her to him, her head on his chest. Her hair splayed across him, her scent invaded his nostrils.

And in that moment of complete clarity, neither was willing to put themselves out of their misery.

I just want to take a moment to thank you guys. Thanks for all the reviews, alerts and favorites. I got over 15,000 hits last month because of you guys. I know I'm pretty quiet on this board but rest assured, I read a lot!


	7. Lewiston

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 7: Lewiston

_One night only, we only have 'til dawn…In the morning this feeling will be gone…It has no chance going on….Something so right has got no chance to live…So let's forget about chances, it's one night I will give_

**October 2011**

"Next stop will be Lewiston Pennsylvania. Next stop, Lewiston."

Rachel started at the sound of her stop being announced. She'd been so lost in thought, she'd completely lost track of time.

Her heart rate picked up as she began to gather her few belongings. She groped around under her seat for her overnight bag and pulled her purse into her lap in preparation for her stop.

She was nervous. She hadn't seen Noah since before she'd left. Sure, they'd talked, regularly in fact, but it had been nearly two months. Two months without his face, hands, eyes… Two months without his presence in general, it had taken its toll on her.

The realization that she missed him had hit her harder then she'd expected. She'd worked very hard to keep him out of her thoughts. The young brunette had filled her days with classes, homework, exercising, attending musicals and plays, long conversation with Finn. But somehow, some way, in the moments in between, the brief seconds between thoughts, he would come to mind.

It would take only a moment and her whole thought process was completely derailed. And in that moment, the very thought of him stole the air from her lungs and made breathing impossible. Yes, they'd agreed to continue their arrangement, but this inability to inhale, that hadn't been part of their agreement.

He'd casually suggested the trip a few weeks back. He'd asked about her school schedule and before she realized it, they'd planned a brief getaway.

_FLASHBACK_

"_So your last class on Wednesday is over at noon, right?"_

"_Yes, that's my Music Theory class. It's taught by Profess-"_

"_That's great. Anyways, what time is your first class on Thursday?" He asked, cutting her off mid-sentence._

"_3 pm. That's my Dance II class. I was quite put off when they told me I would be in Dance II and not Dance III but-"_

"_Totally unfair. But yeah, so I looked at the map and there's a tiny ass city in Pennsylvania that has an Amtrak station. Lewiston I think. But I figured you could ride the train there. I'll drive and pick you up. We could grab a hotel room for the night and I'll put you back on the train the next morning."He plowed on, again interrupting her right in the middle of her diatribe about her dance class._

_She went completely still. They hadn't discussed getting together at all up until this point. Sure, they'd talked of it before she left. But once she'd gotten to New York, it hadn't come up at all._

_Truthfully, she'd had herself half convinced that he wasn't interested anymore. So the blatant suggestion of spending a night at a hotel was a shock to her system. A second later, the memories of their past encounters, the feel of his calloused fingers skimming down her spine, his breath on her neck, the guttural moans that came from deep within him…_

"_Let's do it." She agreed breathlessly, and just like that, the craving was back, full force._

_END FLASHBACK_

Once she had a handle on her belongings, she began making her way to the front of the train as it came to a slow halt.

She stepped off the train and onto the small platform of the Lewiston train station. Rachel started towards the exit, her heart pounding a little quicker with each step.

_What if he went to the wrong station?_

_What if he got lost?_

_What if he couldn't make it?_

_What if he got here too early and left already?_

"BERRY!!"

Her gaze flitted in the direction of the voice calling her name.

He'd gotten to the train station earlier than he'd expected. The extra time had only served to create a ball of nerves in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't seen her since she'd left but he hadn't been able to go a day without thinking about her since she'd left.

God knew he'd tried to keep her in the background of his thoughts, but his efforts appeared to be fruitless as it seemed to be that he thought about her MORE now that she was gone.

Which was what had brought about the idea of this little trip. He needed to see her. Maybe if he saw her, felt her…. she'd give up the starring role she'd been playing in his life.

His gaze was riveted on the exit door of the small train station. He heard the faint announcement that her train had arrived. He swallowed thickly and tried to ignore the thumping in his chest.

Puck didn't have to wait long. The star of his recent fantasies came strolling through the doors within minutes. The sight of her tightened the ball of nerves inhabiting his stomach.

She hadn't seen him yet, so he watched her for a moment. Her long legs were clad in dark denim and tall black boots. Her upper half was covered by a clingy v-neck sweater. Her hair was wild from the wind.

He watched as her eyes scanned the area as she looked for him, a slightly concerned look marred her face.

Finally, he wasn't able to stand it anymore; his fingers were itching to touch her. "BERRY!!"

She turned and her eyes found him almost instantly. He felt his chest constrict when her face lit up. He didn't realize it at the time, but that look, that expression of pure, unadulterated joy, it was like crack to him.

Rachel squeaked her excitement as she rushed towards him. Before she could form the words necessary to greet him, he'd scooped her up and wrapped his arms tightly around her small frame, one hand fisting in her hair while the other gripped her waist.

Her arms roped themselves around his neck as she buried her head in the crook of his shoulder. He felt her fingers digging in, holding on. He felt it because he was doing it too.

A "proper" hello was no longer required.

After several intense moments, he released her, though he kept one arm wrapped securely around her.

"Lookin' good short stuff." He told her as his gaze swept from head to toe. She blushed under his intense gaze.

"Thank you Noah. You're looking fantastically fit yourself." She replied as he grabbed her suitcase and tossed it into the bed of his truck.

Conversation flowed easily between them as Puck drove them to the hotel they'd booked.

"Room 299. Ready to head in?" He asked as he grabbed their bags.

She nodded and followed behind him.

The walk was silent; Rachel was lost in her thoughts.

This trip…. Her train ticket, the hotel, the 5 hour drive…. It had all been his doing. He'd paid for everything, insisted on it in fact.

All of this for about 15 hours.

But then, they'd never had that much time at any given point prior to now. Prior to now, they'd never been able to even spend the night together.

"Awfully quiet Rach, what's cookin' in that whacked out head of yours?" He asked, breaking into her thoughts.

"Did you know this will be the longest amount of time we've had together at once? Plus, it's the first time we've ever slept together." She informed him.

Puck glanced back at her, a sly, feral grin on his face. "Stop it. You know what I meant. Sleep, Noah, actual sleep."

They came to their room a moment later. Before putting the key card to use, he stepped to her, pinning her to the wall.

"Didn't I tell you not to plan on getting any sleep?" He whispered before lightly biting down on her earlobe.

She swallowed heavily before nodding her head.

"Good, then I suggest we not waste anymore time." He informed her, yanking her closer to him with one hand while he unlocked the room, dragging their bags and her in at the same time.

The bags tumbled to the ground as his hands grasped either side of her face. For a brief moment, his deep green eyes searched her chocolate ones, probing, hunting, looking for something… To be honest, he wasn't really sure what it was he was searching for, just that he needed to find it.

Before she could register his intense gaze, his lips came crashing down on hers.

He moaned at the feeling of her lips, her body, pressed to him. It had been too long… Too long since he'd felt her compact body pressed against him.

Her hands slip upwards to his biceps, her small fingers digging in as she fought him for control of the kiss. He grinned against her lips when he realized she'd wanted this as much as he did.

His tongue dove collided with hers as his hands traveled down her body. His fingers grazed over her sweater covered breasts, stopping only to palm them briefly before he skimmed over the dip of her waist and coming to rest on her ass. He gripped her from behind and hauled her up and plopped her on the desk in front of him.

The kiss was broken, but only to remove the necessary clothing. Puck slid his hands under and up her black sweater and quickly yanked it over her head. She made quick work of his hoodie and the soft cotton shirt underneath.

She sat in front of him, just barely lit by the dim lamp in the corner. Her chest was heaving and her chocolate tinted eyes were burning into him.

He was standing in between her legs, his hands planted on either side of her on the desk.

Rachel reached up and lightly ran her hands from his neck to his waist, almost as if she was trying to memorize the way he looked, the way he felt.

Neither of them wanted to hurry. They were both unaccustomed to having this much time together. Normally, it was a hurried, breathless quickie whenever, wherever they could steal 5 or ten minutes.

But now, it wasn't just 5 minutes, or even 5 hours. It was an entire night.

And as he dipped his head to capture her lips with his own, he had absolutely every intention of making each single second unforgettable.

He glanced at the red digital clock on the night stand. It was 3 am. He should be sleeping. He was exhausted from the marathon he and Rachel had completed an hour before. But he couldn't sleep. Or, rather, he didn't want to sleep. He only had a few hours left and as ridiculously gay as it sounded, he wanted to spend it watching her.

She woke to the sun piercing through the curtains and hitting her in the eyes. She blinked and squinted against the light before turning on her other side to face the wall. Only instead of the wall, she was face to face with a sleeping Noah Puckerman.

She grinned at the sight of the self-proclaimed badass sleeping peacefully. Her eyes traced the lines in his face, took in the sigh of his normally tense features so relaxed.

Rachel suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to touch him, be near him. Under normal circumstances, they were not cuddly people. But at that very moment, she needed to feel him.

So she scooted her body over to his and worked her way into his embrace and settled herself in, her head resting on his shoulder.

He stirred underneath her movements. He knew she expected him to pull away. But he didn't, because at that point, he couldn't.

He tightened his grasp on her and inhaled deeply, her hair tickling his nose.

"What time is it?" he asked, his voice gruff with sleep.

She fumbled for her phone and squinted at the small numbers. "8 am."

"We gotta go in an hour." He whispered as his fingertips trailed down her spine towards the curve of her ass.

She nodded but didn't move. "Just a little longer." She whispered, her fingers tracing random patterns across his defined chest.

He swallowed hard at her request and tried to remember when it was that this got to be what it was.

_Maybe it's always been like this._

The quiet beep of her phone broke into his thoughts. "Just a text from Finn." She informed him softly before sliding the phone back onto the nightstand without bothering to respond.

"Why do you stay?" He asked quietly. He didn't broach this subject often, but every so often, he couldn't help it.

He felt her tense slightly under him.

"I… I waited a long time for him. He loves me. He supports me fully in whatever I do or want-"

"You mean he rolls over and doesn't put up a fight, right? He's spineless Rachel. He's just fine with letting you do whatever you want whenever you want and you like that. But it's not healthy, not for you." He corrected her.

"And just what makes you so sure it's not healthy for me?" She challenged as she moved off of him and turned to face him.

"Seriously Rach? Seriously? You took a train five and a half hours to spend one night with me. And in an hour, you're going to take a train five and a half hours back. You don't think that this is a sign that something's wrong? That maybe you guys aren't right? That you aren't meant to be??"

He caught her hand the second before it connected with his cheek.

"Don't take it out on me. Don't hit me because I was honest. I don't deserve that." He told her calmly.

Her arm went limp under his grasp.

"Is the idea of being with me that terrible? Do you really think we'd be that awful together?" He asked quietly.

She silently shook her head no, not bothering to meet his gaze as she moved off the bed to gather her clothing.

"Then what? What is it Rachel? Cause this, this is killing me. It's RIPPING me apart. You don't get it. When I'm not with you, you're all I think about. I try so FUCKING HARD not to but I can't help it, OK? I can't. But then, when I'm with you, all I can think about is that you're going to leave again. It's an endless fucking cycle and it's all I think about. I… I can't give you up… But I can't just… I can't." He finally ground out as he scrubbed his hands up and down his face.

Her eyes were soft and sad when they met his gaze. She took a step back towards the bed, now fully dressed.

"Finn doesn't make it tough. Finn doesn't fight me, push me, he's easy… Simple."

He heaved a heavy sigh. "And since when am I complicated?" He questioned, knowing he wouldn't like her answer.

"We butt heads over everything. There would be horrible arguments, dramatic storm-outs, plate throwing, verbal attacks…. Noah, it would be explosive."

He took hold of both her hands and pulled her to stand in between his opened legs.

"It would be amazing."

She pulled her hands from his and turned away.

"Don't do this Noah. Just please, don't."

"No I am doing this. You don't want this with me because it'll be scary and it'll be tough. I get that. What you don't get is that's what relationships are. They're fucking frightening as hell. They're supposed to be difficult. You're taking one world and trying to combine it with another world, that's fucking hard! It's supposed to be hard. It's supposed be hard so you can appreciate it, so you know what you have, you worked hard for something, for someone. It's not supposed to be one person rolling over while the other one drags him around on her coat-tails. You have to see that Finn isn't it for you." He insisted as he pulled himself off the bed and began to dress.

"Maybe he's not, but losing you… Look, I can't lose you. I can't take that chance. And if we were together, I would do everything in my power to keep you, even if that meant rolling over and doing things your way… Don't you see? Don't you get it? It wouldn't be any different for us." Her voice was heavy with sadness.

"Well, personally I think you're wrong. I think you're scared and wrong, and I gotta say, it's getting fucking OLD Rachel." He snapped, arms crossed over his chest.

Her nostrils flared at the use of her full name. Only when he was pissed did he pull that one out. "So, what? Are you just done with me now??!" She exclaimed, her eyes flashing angrily.

He raked his gaze over her. He wanted to be, God he wanted to be. He knew continuing this would be his demise in every way. But she was his drug, his addiction, and he wasn't ready to quit yet. So she would win, again.

"PUCK!" She screeched in an attempt to get his attention.

In two steps he was in front of her. He yanked her to him and claimed her lips in a bruisingly forceful kiss as his fingers tangled in her hair and pulled her head back farther, allowing him better access.

Never one to back down, she gave as good as she got. She pushed back, dug her fingernails into his arm, gripped as tight as she could, fought just as fiercely.

After several intense, well fought moments, he pulled back, breathless, and noted she was in the same state.

"That right there!? That way you push back, the way you refuse to give up, the way you fight with me, for me, that's what I'm talking about. That's what relationships are about. You want it too, just as much as I do, so don't fucking lie to me Rachel Berry." He heaved out, his eyes narrow with frustration and lust.

He turned from her when she didn't respond. He grabbed his bag and hers and started towards the door.

"You didn't answer my question." She reminded him primly.

He froze. His shoulders sagged and she felt her heart clench in her chest. It clenched because she understood why his shoulders sagged. Because as pissed as they got, neither one was ever really able to walk away.

"No Berry, it's not over."

So as you can tell, I've been feeling a bit angsty. So the chapter is just filled with it. Please, let me know what you think!

To all of you who review every chapter and have me on alert, you guys really do rock. I love this board and it's not just because the stories are awesome, but because you guys are awesome.


	8. The Substitute

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 8: The Substitute

_I want you to want me… I need you to need me… I'm beggin' you to beg me…_

**December 2011**

'Noah Puckerman has changed his Relationship Status from Single to In a Relationship'.

She felt the blood drain from her face and her heart thudded heavily in her chest as she stared at the screen in front of her in horror.

_Facebook got it wrong. There's no way he's in a relationship. He doesn't date women… He sleeps with them but he definitely doesn't date them._

She pulled in a deep breath and briefly closed her eyes. She knew the feelings ping ponging through her were unwarranted. This wasn't supposed to be about feelings.

She clicked on his name and connected to his page. Her jaw dropped at his new profile picture.

_And he most definitely does not change his profile picture to a shot that includes some blonde girl…. Some beautiful, tall blonde girl…_

Her fingers trembled a bit as she maneuvered the mouse to rest over the name of the woman he was in a relationship with. After a moment of staring at the blonde, she clicked on the name.

Dana Goldmann. Religious Views: Jewish. "She's Jewish???" Rachel barked out, unable to hold back her shock. Her eyes quickly scanned the limited information available, only to discover the girl was involved with several charities and helped manage a daycare for handicapped children.

He'd gone off and found himself a nice Jewish girl all on his own.

She frowned at the screen for a moment. She didn't look very Jewish. She glanced over at her calendar and felt her stomach drop.

Hanukkah was December 20-28th this year. Her flight home was in 5 days.

Hanukkah meant seeing Noah.

Noah and… and… _HER._

And while the Berry's didn't spend all 8 nights celebrating with the Puckerman's, there would invariably be a few spent together, and of course, Temple.

The very idea of seeing him with her made Rachel's skin crawl and her stomach roll. She could not sit across the table from Noah and his Jewish Mother Theresa.

But going home also meant seeing Finn.

She couldn't just go home and completely ignore her family. But if she didn't, she'd see Noah.

And once again Rachel was forced to choose.

And once again she chose him….

"I'm sorry Finn, but working with this professor over break, it's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to do this. It could lead to bigger things." She explained to Finn, the lie rolling off her tongue effortlessly.

She tried to ignore the nagging thought that it shouldn't be this easy to lie to him, it shouldn't sound so natural, she shouldn't be so… so… OK with it.

"I know babe, I just… I haven't seen you since Thanksgiving and I barely saw you then. I was looking forward to spending the holidays with you." Finn half whispered back to her.

He was upset, he was hurting. She felt a pang of guilt ricochet through her.

_Damn it. He's going to make me pull THAT card._

"Finn, we talked about this. We talked about what being here means to me. It's my future, and if you want to be a part of that future, you have to understand there are going to be sacrifices I need to make in order to get my foot in the door. And occasionally, those sacrifices are going to affect you."

She hated herself for pulling the 'This is My Career' card, she really did. She found herself pulling it more and more when Finn became upset or difficult. She pulled it because it worked every time.

_God I feel like a puppet master._

"I know Rach, I know. But God… I mean… Am I ever going to come first? Am I ever going to matter more than your career? Because, hell, you aren't even on Broadway yet and you're already pushing me further down your list."

She sucked in a breath.

_When did he grow a backbone?_

"Don't start Finn, OK? Just don't. These goals I have existed long before you and if you continue on with this behavior, they'll outlast you."

Her threat was met with silence and she felt like she'd just kicked a puppy.

"Fine. Have a good holiday babe. I love you."

He hung up without waiting for her response.

Not that she'd said it back.

Sighing, she turned her attention back to her computer and the offensive Facebook Live Feed sitting on the screen.

She'd already informed her parents and Finn.

Rachel wasn't about to text Noah and inform him. If wasn't going to inform her of major life changes, she would respond in kind.

She moused over the space provided to update her status and began typing.

**Rachel Berry: is changing her holiday plans! Sorry I won't be home guys! Big opportunities here in NYC. To Finn and my dads, I love you and I'll miss you!**

She enjoyed the smug feeling as she updated her status and snapped her computer shut.

Later that evening she was buried in her covers, her eyes skimming over a homework assignment when her phone buzzed.

**Noah: **What gives?

**Berry:** Not sure what you're referring to.

**Noah: **Your status on FB. Why aren't you coming home? Why didn't you tell me?

**Berry:** Well if you read the status, you know why. And I wasn't aware I had to run my plans and their subsequent changes by you.

**Noah:** Knock it off Rachel.

She sucked in a breath. She hated that she couldn't talk her way around him like she could Finn.

**Noah:** Don't avoid me now. You posted that to get a rise out of me. I'm not an idiot. You got what you wanted so quit acting like you're surprised I asked and talk to me.

**Berry:** Nothing to talk about Noah. Tell your mother I'm sorry I'll miss her and it's too bad I won't get to meet Dana.

**Noah:** And there it is. Saw my status change huh?

**Berry:**__I did. Congratulations.

**Noah:** Don't do that. I can hear your sarcasm from here.

**Berry:** Well I would have appreciated a heads up to the ending of our "agreement". It would have been the decent thing to do.

**Noah:** What makes you think it's over?

**Berry: ** The fact that you have a girlfriend?

**Noah:** Berry, one of these days, you're going to catch on. I know you will….. God I hope you will.

**Berry: **What on earth are you talking about?

**Noah:** No, sorry, this one's on you to figure out. Use that big, beautiful brain of yours. Until then, I hope you have a good holiday… I'll miss you.

A single tear dropped onto the screen of her Blackberry.

Frustrated, she swiped at her face, desperate to remove the evidence of her disappointment, as if there was anyone to see. No, she didn't have anyone.

"Damn it Noah."

SORRY THIS WAS A BIT SHORT. BIG NEWS LADIES!

I'M OFFICIALLY ENGAGED!!!!!!


	9. Right Back Where She Started

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 9: Right Back Where She Started

_Temptation, unlike opportunities, will always give you many second chances._

**May 2012**

It'd been five months.

Five very long, annoying, emotionally taxing months.

It'd been five months since she'd skipped out on Hanukkah.

She'd been dodging him (somewhat successfully) ever since.

Rachel had shot down every suggestion of meeting up, avoided every question of why not and refused to respond to his mysteriously vague statements about him and her and why her behavior was, in his words, "retarded."

What hadn't stopped was him. He'd continued to push her, to question her…. He'd continued making sure he had a presence in her life, unwanted or not.

And it was positively infuriating.

School let out in a week.

She couldn't stay in New York. Her parents wouldn't allow it. (She'd already asked, twice.) And of course there was Finn. She was almost positive she'd lose him if she stayed through the summer. (She'd be lying if she said she hadn't considered it)

So she set about making sure she'd be able to stay busy throughout her summer in Lima. She arranged to work at her father's office during the day and had contacted the community center about volunteering her time to teach youth dance classes at night.

TWO WEEKS LATER

She gazed up at the house with a disinterested expression. Home had once been her safe haven, her refuge from the ministrations of the McKinley bullies. But now, nowhere in Lima was safe, not with Noah around. She sighed, heaved her bags onto her shoulders and pushed through the door.

"SURPRISE!!!!!!"

She dropped her bags at the sight of her parents and her friends crowded into the front room of her living room.

Her dads wrapped her in a warm, strong hug before stepping aside to allow Finn to sweep her into his arms.

"Hi baby." He whispered in her ear. She smiled into his neck. Finn was many things. He was stable, he was simple, he was comfortable.

He was home base. She was always safe with him.

Her tightly closed eyes opened and came to rest on an unmistakable set of green eyes.

Their gazes met and held.

He raised an eyebrow at her and she narrowed her eyes in return.

Non-verbal communication had always been a shared strength between the two of them.

Her glare was met with a roll of his eyes. He mouthed the word "Later" to her and moved from her line of sight.

Her heart clenched a bit. "Later" was exactly what she was trying to avoid.

Avoid it she would.

For exactly 6 days.

It was late on Saturday evening. She was exhausted. After a ten hour day at her father's office transcribing notes, she'd taught for 4 hours at the community center.

To say she was exhausted was putting it mildly.

A quick bite to eat and a short shower later, she was tucked into bed, her lights out, fan on, and sleep was just upon her when she heard it.

"It" of course, being him.

Her window slid up slowly. She didn't even flinch. Instead, she sighed heavily.

"Good evening Noah." She greeted, not bothering to flip on her bedside lamp, mostly because she didn't really want to look at him.

"So you do remember me." He shot back, his tone flat and vacant.

She rolled her eyes at his comment.

"It's not as if I didn't speak to you Noah." She replied as she pushed herself into a seated position as he flopped down on her bed like he belonged there.

She didn't know how she felt about that.

"You actually didn't speak to me. I called but you didn't answer. You texted me." He corrected her as he tucked his arms under his head.

"Well that's always been our preferred method of communication." She pointed out as she tucked her legs underneath her.

"Cut the crap Rach. You started acting like this after you found out I had a girlfriend. I'm not Finn. I'm not an idiot. What kills me is that you _know_ that. You know I'm not stupid." He told her, his voice low but strong.

"Had?"

It was so soft he barely heard her.

It was his turn to roll his eyes. Of course that'd be the part she'd focus on.

"Yes Berry. Had." He humored her.

"What happened?" She questioned, her fingers picking at her comforter.

He swallowed heavily. That was a conversation that she wasn't ready for. He was, but her, not so much.

"Does it matter? It's over. That's what you care about." He deflected smoothly.

She was rendered silent. He was right. That was what she cared about.

And that was precisely the problem. She most definitely should NOT care about whether he was in a relationship. That would imply she harbored feelings for him. And that was most certainly NOT allowed.

He knew what her silence meant. He even debated calling her on it. But it would do no good, it was no different than her question of why he'd called things off with Dana.

She wasn't ready.

"Listen… I came by because… Well…. Look, you're going to be here all summer. And I don't want to not see you. It's been months and it kind of sucked, ok? So maybe you could avoid me a little less?" He questioned at last.

It was the most he could say without scaring the shit out of her. He knew her limits and he knew he was pushing them but he always knew when to stop.

Her heart thumped loudly in her chest. She was almost positive he could hear it. Hearing those words… They weighed heavily on her. She wasn't good with this.

This was messy and ugly and complicated. Three things she never had to worry about with Finn. It was unfamiliar territory and she despised not knowing where she was.

She struggled to find words to put into coherent sentences.

He listened to her struggle before smiling into the darkness.

_At least I'm having some sort of effect on her._

He stood up and stretched lazily.

"Sleep on it." He suggested as he bent down to her eye level.

She locked her eyes on his and nodded slowly.

He leaned in and pressed a long overdue kiss to her lips.

She melted almost immediately. He tasted wonderful His hand came up to wrap around the back of her neck and pull her lips tighter to his.

She moaned out her satisfaction and he knew he'd have to end the kiss before he ended up spending the night. And as much as he wanted that, he knew that he'd leave a bigger impact if he walked away.

He slowly pulled back from her and watched her eyes flutter open to meet his intensely dark green ones.

"Sleep on it." He repeated before disappearing out the window.

She stared after him, unable to think or move.

The only thought that did register was the simplest but most disconcerting thought she'd had in quite some time.

_That's how Finn's kisses should feel._

And there you have it.

Sorry it took me soooo long but life got a little crazy.

Thank you all for the congratulations! It's been an exciting two weeks!

Hit the button and tell me what you think!


	10. Blast from the Past

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 10: Blast From The Past

_What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from._

**May 2014**

Rachel's face flushed with unbridled excitement as the curtain closed in front of her.

She couldn't have asked for a better opening night, especially considering it was her first one.

Her dream of starring on Broadway was now a reality. The lead role in Rent belonged to her.

The crowd roaring their approval, her dads and Finn clapping proudly from three rows back, she'd pinched herself several times to make sure this wasn't a dream.

She hurried backstage, happily accepting the congratulations of her co-stars as she made her way to her dressing room. After washing her face of her heavy stage makeup she re-dressed in more casual clothes and reapplied much lighter makeup,

Her fathers and Finn were going to meet up with her at a little bistro around the corner after the meet and greets were done.

She grabbed her purse and put on her brightest smile and stepped out the backdoor, prepared to greet her newly acquired, yet highly adoring, fans.

Instead, she froze.

"Hey Rach."

Her heart froze in her chest. Her hands clenched at her sides. Her breathing stopped.

He snapped a finger in front of her face. "Rach? Still with me?" He asked, his hand on her arm.

She exhaled slowly and focused on him. "What are you doing here?" She choked out, her tone a bit harsh and very disbelieving as she gulped for air.

Noah crossed his arms over his chest. "Great seeing you too Berry." He shot back sarcastically.

She inhaled and fixed her gaze on him. A moment later, recognition crossed her face.

"You came to see my show."

He gave her a small nod.

"I ran into your dads. They told me." He explained nonchalantly, as if his flying to New York, paying for a ticket to her show and a hotel was no big deal at all.

There were so many responses swirling in her head at that moment, she didn't know which to go with so she played it safe.

"It's great to see you Noah." She told him softly.

His hands ached to touch her. It'd been two years since he'd seen her and over a year since he'd talked to her.

She'd broken it off because of Finn. Her longtime boyfriend didn't want to be apart anymore, and since she'd had no reason to stop him, he moved to New York.

The email he'd received from her had been brief and to the point.

_Noah,_

_I hate that I'm writing these words and not speaking them. Truth be told, speaking them to you would be the honorable thing to do. But well, honor hasn't exactly been a cornerstone of mine as of late._

_I couldn't call because the moment I would've heard your voice I'd have lost my nerve._

_Finn's moving to New York. I didn't suggest it, I didn't ask him to, but I also didn't ask him not to._

_I can't do this anymore, not with him here. This has to be over. As much as it pains me to ask this, I need the texts, the calls, the emails to stop now. I'm making every effort to stay straight, I can't do that whilst still talking to you._

_I'm so sorry._

_Rach._

He'd not bothered to respond. He'd wanted to, he'd had a lot to say, but he knew her well enough, he could text/talk/write her until he was blue in the face, the girl always got what she wanted.

And he'd respected her wishes. She had asked him to stay away and he had.

But when her dads told him their baby girl was going to be making her Broadway debut, something inside him had snapped. He couldn't ignore it anymore. He wanted to see her, talk to her, gain some closure.

Everything had been going exactly according to plan, until he came face to face with her outside the back door. The moment his eyes fell on her, everything he wanted to say melted away.

"You were awesome Rachel." He replied quietly, taking a step closer.

She should have taken a step back, put some space between them.

Instead, she found herself leaning into him, her nose just barely inhaling his scent, the one she'd know anywhere.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" She questioned, her voice softer now, the harsh tone gone.

He shrugged. "Would you have responded? What would you have told me?" He countered, eyebrow raised.

She blushed at his blunt questioning. He knew what her answer would have been.

"I'd have told you not to come." She admitted sheepishly.

"And that's why I didn't tell you." He shot back, stepping even closer to her.

His closeness was starting to make her dizzy. Her brain screamed at her to take a step back but quite honestly, she really didn't want to.

"I miss you, you know." He whispered quietly, his breath whooshing across her face, his finger trailing lazily down her arm.

She gulped heavily. The words were on the tip of her tongue. She knew that saying those words would unlock the past, and it would start up all over again.

Finn flashed through her mind. She waited for that feeling, the one that would remind her that this was wrong, she'd ended it once, don't start it up again.

She waited. But it didn't show. She lifted her deep brown eyes to his.

"I missed you too. " She quietly agreed.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. The phrase was small and largely unimpressive, at least from the perspective of an outsider, but he knew what it meant. It was a big deal for her to admit such a thing. To admit to missing someone is admitting you care.

He gave her a small smile and fished his wallet out. He quickly extracted a credit card sized piece of plastic. It was a room key.

"I'm staying at the W. I'd like to spend a little time with you, but if you aren't comfortable with it, that's cool." He informed her, pressing the key into her palm.

She arched an eyebrow at him. "It's been 5 minutes you're already propositioning me? Wow." She shot back, her tone half teasing and half cocky.

"Actually, I'm not, I'd just like to talk to you, be around you. Sex was not on the agenda." He replied honestly. He supposed he should have been upset by her assumption, but he wasn't. He knew the facts. He knew they'd largely been nothing but secret fuck buddies for the majority of their "affair" as she liked to put it, so he didn't take offense to her words.

"Oh." She replied, obviously taken aback by his desire to simply be around her, his want was to only be in her presence, and he expected nothing more.

He was about to turn to head towards his hotel when he stopped and turned back to her.

"Though, for the record, if I was propositioning you, I doubt you'd say no." He shot at her, his tone teasing and sly.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. It was odd, but she took comfort in the fact that not everything changed.

He stepped back to her side and brushed a lingering kiss across her cheek. "See you soon." He whispered in her ear before turning on his heel and heading in the direction of his hotel.

She wanted to protest, to tell him no, he wouldn't see her soon.

Instead, she pulled out her phone and dialed her dad.

"Hi dad, so I just found out they're doing a cast-only dinner, I guess I never got the memo but as the star it's imperative that I be there." She informed him as she slowly made her way towards the front of the theatre to grab a taxi.

"Of course, thanks for understanding, I won't be too late. I'll see you later. Send my love to daddy and Finn." She told him as she held up her right hand to hail a cab.

She ended the call just as a car pulled up.

"Where to?" The cabbie asked, glancing in his rear view mirrow.

"The W."


	11. The Invitation

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 11: The Invitation

_Men and women are not born inconstant: they are made so by their early amorous experiences._

**April 2016**

She sighed happily when her apartment came into view as she rounded the corner.

Her latest show was being directed by a man who was proving to be quite a handful, even by her standards.

Her entire body ached and her head throbbed. She was looking forward to a hearty glass of wine and a long, hot bubble bath in her temporarily silent apartment. Finn was out in LA on a business trip, he'd been gone for two days and wouldn't be returning for another three.

She most definitely knew she shouldn't be happy about his absence. That was not an appropriate thought, but at this precise moment, she simply did not care.

She climbed the stairs to her 5th floor apartment and fished the keys out of her purse. She stepped in, kicked off her shoes and threw her keys on the table.

Rachel made it three steps into the apartment before his voice cut her like a knife.

"What the fuck is this??!"

She gulped at the sight of her on again/off again dirty little secret seated smack in the middle of her living room like he owned the place.

In his left hand was a small piece of cream colored paper with gold lettering scrawled across it.

She knew exactly what it was. So did he.

It was a wedding invitation. To her wedding. To Finn.

"You have eyes Noah, you can read. And obviously you did, because you're here." She replied evenly, she was a master at it now, disguising all emotion in her voice.

"This is fucking bullshit Rachel and you know it. What the fuck are you doing?!!" He demanded, getting to his feet.

Most were afraid of Noah's notorious temper tantrums.

Not her. She crossed her arms in front of herself and held his gaze.

"I'm getting married Noah."

"The fuck you are!" He shot back.

She rolled his eyes at his possessive statement.

"Where you even going to fucking tell me?!" He exclaimed.

She winced a little at his question. She knew it was coming. She'd wanted to tell him, god, she'd wanted to tell him so many times but she'd never been able to form the words.

"How long?" He questioned, his tone quieter now.

She groaned inwardly. Pissed off Noah she could handle, she could deal with anger. But when he got like this, when she could tell he was in pain, when she could tell he was in pain because of her, it nearly broke her.

"He asked me 9 months ago." She answered weakly, averting her eyes.

"Fuck Rach, I've seen you three times. You could've told me…" His hazel eyes bore into her brown ones.

She fumbled for an answer, an explanation, something that would make this all better.

Truth was, there wasn't one.

He sighed heavily.

"Scared?" He asked wearily.

"Pretty much." She whispered back.

"Of losing me?" He went on, knowing she'd agree.

"Yep."

"He hasn't stopped us before." He pointed out.

"I know. I just… I knew when I said yes, you'd think I was picking him over you."

He rolled his eyes and took two steps forward. "That's because you are."

She gulped.

"God, Rach, I just don't get it. I don't get why you keep doing this to yourself, to us." He said with a heavy sigh as he scrubbed his hand down his face.

"You know why. It's too complicated and-"

He cut her off. He crushed her lips to his, his hands planted on her cheeks, his tongue dueling hers, her hands gripping his arms desperately.

He tore away after several heart poundingly intense moments. "This, this is not fucking complicated. It's the simplest fucking thing there is. You want me, you want me so fucking bad that you won't even tell me you're getting married. Not just because you don't want me to feel like I don't want you, but because you don't want me to move on. You can't do that to me Rachel." He told her, his tone pleading and full of frustration.

She gazed up into his hurt filled eyes. "You don't have to keep doing this." She told him quietly.

She'd said those words to him many times and in many different ways. But they'd never come out like this, sounding so soft and broken.

"I do. I do have to keep doing this Rachel. Because I don't want to fucking move on. I don't want to find someone else. You are that person for me. Don't you get it?? Don't you see it when I look at you? When I'm around you. I'm in love with you Rachel. I'm in love with you."

His tone was so soft, so heartfelt and so lost.

Her heart split in two and she felt herself gasping for air as the hot tears filled her eyes.

This was love. It was love, and maybe it had always been love.

Her brown eyes brimmed with tears as they met his.

"I love you too." She choked out, barely able to gasp out the words before he pulled her into his arms.

_Ask me… Ask me not do to it. Ask me not to marry him._

She waited. She waited for him to ask.

He didn't. He knew she wanted him to.

He wouldn't. He couldn't.

She knew that.

He was all about her making her own decisions and there was no way he was taking this one away from her.

ANOTHER ONE DOWN.


	12. The Ugly Side

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

A/N 2: NOTE: The beginning is a flashback. Don't be confused.

Chapter 12: The Ugly Side

_**Flashback**_

_Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you._

_**June 2016**_

"_I'm not coming Rachel."_

"_I know."_

"_Are you going through with it?"_

_She rolled on her side and her brown eyes met his intense green stare._

"_Noah…." She sighed out, her expression undeniably sad._

"_Don't give me that look Rach."_

"_Don't keep asking me that question then."_

"_I think I'm entitled to ask it, given that I'm in love with you and that we've been sleeping together for six years." He reasoned, his voice raspy with sleep._

_He had her there and he knew it._

"_This isn't going to work forever Rachel." He needlessly reminded her._

_She knew that. She knew this wasn't going to be forever._

"_If you marry him, I'm done."_

_Her eyes widened at his words._

"_Are you threatening me?" She asked as he sat up in bed._

_He rolled his eyes._

"_No, I'm telling you."_

_She pulled herself up into a seated position._

"_You told me back in April-"_

"_I told you that because I thought maybe telling you I love you would break through the 'Finn Fog' clouding your head for the last 6 years. Crazy huh?"_

"_So that was conditional." She bit back flatly._

"_Stop with the semantics. You get my point."_

"_I get married and we're through. Got it." She shot back, her eyes dark with anger._

"_Don't."_

"_Don't want Noah?"_

"_Don't sit there and look at me like that. You have no right to be mad at me. You're pissed because I've had enough with this 'have your cake and eat it too' arrangement. It's been going on for too long, 6 years too long."_

_She recoiled like he'd slapped her across the face._

"_Well, I had no idea you felt this whole thing was a mistake." She retorted stiffly as she stood._

_He sighed heavily and grabbed her arm as she walked by him._

"_That's not what I meant."_

"_It's what you said."_

"_I meant that I should have fought harder for you six years ago and maybe we wouldn't be in this mess now."_

_Her face softened at his explanation._

_She leaned forward to brush her lips to his._

_He pulled back._

"_No. I can't. I'm standing firm on this one. I have to."_

_End Flashback_

_Memory always obeys the commands of the heart._

**December 2019**

"Babe?"

Rachel started at the voice of her husband behind her.

She turned to face him, a smile plastered on her face.

"Where were you? I've been trying to get your attention for the last 5 minutes." His face was marred with confusion and concern.

"Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts." She replied with an easy shrug.

His goofy grin returned. "Missed you today." He told her as his hand slid around her slender waist.

She let him hold her for a moment before turning to face him.

"So I was thinking maybe we could skip going home and spend the holidays here." She suggested, her voice a little lower, a sultry undertone laced her suggestion.

He wasn't having it. "Rach, come on. You promised. You haven't been back in almost two years. My mom really wants to see you. What about your dads? Our friends? You're in between shows, we can actually do this. I want us both to go." He fought back.

She silently huffed to herself. The growth of his backbone was really starting to get in her way.

"Fine, Finn. You win." She sighed out, turning back to the meal she was preparing.

He grinned and she was rewarded with a sloppy kiss to the side of her face.

She rolled her eyes as he made his way to the bedroom to pack for their upcoming departure.

THREE DAYS LATER

"I'm so glad to see you sweetheart!" Carole Hudson whispered in her ear as she hugged Rachel close.

"It's lovely to see you too Carole." She replied, returning the woman's warm embrace.

They'd been back in Lima for all of an hour and had barely been at Carole's for five minutes.

"You look gorgeous. Come sit, tell me your plans for the week." Carole instructed as she tugged both of them into the living room.

"Well, I'll be spending some time with my dads, I'm sure we'll go to Temple a couple times. I'm going to try to get up to McKinley to see Mr. Schue, maybe visit the civic center I taught ballet at." Rachel dutifully replied.

"You sound busy dear, would you have time to maybe catch lunch while you're here?" Carole questioned.

"I'm honestly not sure, I've got so many things planned, so many people to catch up with, I'm booked nearly every day, but I'm sure I'll see you at night when I come back." She replied, her voice void of an apologetic tone. It was clear she didn't feel bad about blowing off her mother in law.

"Oh, I see. It's obviously important for you to catch up with your family and friends. What about you Finn?" His mother asked, turning her gaze to her only child.

He'd been staring at Rachel in awe. He'd seen many sides of Rachel, but this one, the one that was so disrespectful to his mother, was a new one.

He snapped his attention back to his mother when she called his name a second time.

"I'm going to see Coach and Schue, maybe catch up with Matt and Mike, hang out, maybe go through my old room like you always nagged me to." He supplied with a sweet smile.

Carole frowned. "Well, it doesn't sound like you'll be seeing much of each other or of me." She noted tentatively.

Rachel smiled ruefully. "Being of two faiths will do that to the holiday season, which is part of why I wanted to stay in New York, where this sort of thing isn't a problem." She informed her mother in law.

Finn's jaw dropped at his wife's blunt explanation.

"I…I think what Rachel means is that since we have different religions, it makes it hard for us to see each other during the holidays when we're here, because we have different obligations." He attempted to explain.

His mother's expression of shock softened. "Oh, well yes, I can see that now."

"Mom, I think we're just going to take our stuff up and head to bed." Finn told her as he grabbed their suitcases with one hand and Rachel by the other.

"Of course, night kids!" She called before retreating to her own room.

Their walk upstairs was silent. She knew she should've felt bad for her harsh words, and she did feel bad for hurting Carole's feelings, but whatever explosion Finn was about to have, the explosion she should be fearing, didn't concern her in the least.

"Wow Rach, really? Could you have been any nastier to my mother?!" He hissed as he simultaneously released her arm and their bags.

She turned her expressionless face towards him.

"She was being nice! She missed you! All she wanted was to spend time with you and you fucking blew her off!! That's great! And she's fucking right! You made so many plans with so many other people, I'm barely going to see you!! What the fuck?!"

She rolled her eyes at his outburst.

"I will apologize to Carole for my unseemly behavior. But for now, I need air." She informed him as she grabbed the keys to their rental and started for the car.

"Where are you going?!" He demanded angrily as he grabbed hold of her wrist.

She wrenched her arm from his grasp. "Well I did make all those plans, best get started now hmm?!" She shot back mockingly.

He started to follow her but she whirled on him.

"I wouldn't Finn. Not if I were you. If you care at all about me, you'll turn around and go back upstairs. I need to be alone."

He stared her down, his eyes probing hers as if to find the explanation for why she was behaving like this.

He found nothing. Her expression was empty and cold.

So he did as she asked. He turned and went back upstairs.

She slipped out of the house and into the rental.

It wasn't long before she found herself in front of a small but well lit bar.

A drink was exactly what she needed.

Five minutes later she was seated at the bar with a drink in front of her.

"A dirty martini. How fitting."

She heaved a heavy sigh at the sound of his voice.

"Noah."

"Rachel."

He plopped down on the stool next to her.

"Home for Hanukkah?" He questioned as he took a long pull off his beer.

"And Christmas." She lightly added.

He bobbed his head in understanding.

"Where's the Mr.?"

"At his mother's. I stormed out." She supplied as she took a sip of her drink.

"What happened?"

And just like that, she poured it all out. She told him about their slightly tempestuous marriage, their nonexistent sex life, their failed attempts at children, her steadfast avoidance of Lima and lastly, her uncalled for outburst at Mrs. Hudson.

"Wow Berry, when did you become so bitter?"

She took a long swallow of her drink before turning her eyes to meet his.

"When you left me."

A/N: So she went through with it. Bitter Rachel is an ugly woman. But remember, bitter isn't broken. Stay tuned.


	13. His or Mine?

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 13: His or Mine?

_Life is the art of being well deceived._

**March 2020**

Rachel rushed through the crowds, her eyes on her watch. She was already incredibly late, thankfully they were holding the appointment. Dr. Cashman was one of the best in the city and she couldn't afford to be removed from her care.

Fifteen minutes later she was signing her name on the patient clipboard.

"Glad you could make it Mrs. Hudson." The young nurse behind the desk said with a small smile.

"Me too. I'll never get over how busy this city is at noon! Serves me right I suppose." She replied with a rueful smile before she took a seat to wait for her turn.

"Rachel? Come on back." A woman's voice snapped her out of her concentration. She dropped the magazine on the table and followed the woman back.

"Will your husband be joining us today?" The woman asked in an attempt to make conversation.

"No, he's tied up at work." Rachel lied easily. Truth be told, having Finn at these appointments made her downright uncomfortable so she'd just stopped telling him about them. And to his credit, he hardly ever asked.

"Well, that's a shame. Go ahead and change into the gown and Dr. Cashman will be in soon."

Rachel nodded and quickly changed. She climbed onto the table just as Dr. Cashman's soft knock sounded on the other side of the door.

"Come in." Rachel called softly.

"Good afternoon Rachel. How are you and the nugget?" Her doctor asked as she sat down in front of the table.

"Doing well Anne. And yourself?"

And with that, the two women fell into easy conversation as Anne thoroughly checked Rachel over.

"Well now, anything else I can do for you?"

"Umm, well, I think I'd like to run the tests for Tay Sachs that we talked about. I've thought about it and with my Jewish heritage, I don't want to take the chance." Rachel told her as she used a tissue to wipe her burgeoning belly clean of the ultrasound gel.

"Sure, not a problem. I'll order them right away." Anne agreed with a smile before stepping out of the room.

Rachel's face fell instantly. She felt guilty for lying to the woman. Technically, yes she was Jewish, but her father, Leroy, had been born Catholic before converting to Judaism and her mother was Protestant. She was not the reason for the test.

Noah was.

The entrance of the man in question into her mind brought tears to her eyes. He still didn't know.

Life had been busy for both of them, busy enough that they'd not seen each other and she'd kept her pregnancy a secret.

But that was about to change.

He'd texted her the week before informing her of an upcoming trip to DC, one that he'd scheduled according to the schedule of the traveling show she was currently a part of.

Calling him clever would be an understatement. She wouldn't be able to avoid him. And really, it would only take moments for him to realize she was pregnant. Sure, she could hide it on stage, but the second he saw her? She was doomed.

TWO WEEKS LATER

Rachel stepped off stage, her body near exhaustion. She wanted to collapse onto the nearest couch and sleep for a month.

But that was not an option. She dragged herself to her dressing room and muscled up the energy to remove her makeup and make herself halfway presentable. It wasn't that she didn't want to impress Noah, it was that he didn't need much to be impressed.

She pulled on her low slung, comfortable jeans and a loose top, all done with hopes of prolonging the inevitable of course.

He was waiting for her at the stage doors, like he'd done six years earlier.

"Hey gorgeous."

Her skin warmed at the sound his voice and the feel of his gaze on her. She stepped forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek, her lithe fingers gripped his bicep.

"Missed you." She muttered softly.

He smiled at her admission. She didn't often confess that sort of thing, so when she did, he lapped it up.

"C'mon, I got us a room at the Renaissance." He told her as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him.

The evening was going well. They'd eaten, they'd talked, they'd even had sex, all without him catching onto her little secret.

And if she hadn't asked for him to grab her cell phone charger from her purse, she'd have been home free.

Rachel emerged from the bathroom, freshly washed and wrapped in a fluffy robe.

When she saw what he'd found, all the blood drained from her waist.

Sitting out on the desk were her prenatal vitamins and her sonogram photo from two week earlier.

She visibly gulped as her eyes turned to his form.

He was sitting on the bed, his arms folded, his face unreadable.

"Whose is it?" He asked tightly, not making eye contact with her.

"Noah-" She started as she moved to his side.

He held up a hand to halt her movements. "Whose is it? Because I remember you telling me you went off your birth control pills and I think we were drunk enough… And if that date on that sonogram is right then it might be mine. So I'll ask again, is it his or mine?" He questioned her, his voice raising with each breath as he stood.

She looked up into his anger darkened eyes and gulped.

_I can't. If I do… If I tell him… There's no… I won't…_

"It's his." She choked out.

A/N: And there you go, two updates in two days.


	14. A Taste of Her Own Medicine

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 14: A Taste of Her Own Medicine

_When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to._

**August 2026**

"I tell you I'm cheating on you and you just sit there?! You don't yell, you don't scream, you don't cry. You don't do any of those things because you don't care!"

She flinched at the truth in her husband's words.

"I forgave you." She reminded him softly.

"And you shouldn't have. You should be furious! You should have slapped me! Yell at me Rachel!"

"I don't want to Finn."

He sunk down into the chair across from her. His shoulders sagged and his hands came up to provide a place for his head to rest.

"You don't care at all do you? You don't care that I fucked someone else. You don't care because Rachel, you don't love me. You don't love me. You haven't loved me in a very long time."

She lifted her eyes to his.

"Finn, that's not true. I do love you. I've loved you since high school. You're my family, the father of my daughter."

He scoffed. "Rachel, please. You might 'love' me. But you aren't in love with me. And as much as I love Caroline, I'm not her father, not her biological one." Finn shot back.

Rachel's head snapped up. Her fear-filled brown eyes met her husband's steady gaze. She expected anger, fury, hatred.

Instead, she saw sadness, pain, frustration.

"She's not mine. She's Puck's. She belongs to him just like you do." Finn stated quietly.

For a moment, she considered denying it. But in her heart of hearts, she just didn't have it in her.

Instead, she asked a question of her own.

"How long have you known?"

He gazed steadily at his wife. "Long enough."

She expelled a big breath. "Why… Why didn't you say anything?"

Finn smiled sadly at her. "Because, unlike you, I'm actually in love with you, and you always came back to me, and as much as I hated it, I thought I still had you."

"You still have me now."

"No, Rach. I thought I had you. But I don't. And I'm pretty sure I never did. The girl I cheated with? I'm in love with her. And she's in love with me." He informed her as he slid a packet of papers across the table.

"Divorce papers?" She asked quietly.

"Yes. I hired a lawyer last week. I want a clean break. I don't want any of your stuff or your money, you can have full custody of Caro, I just want my things. I just want to start over, clean break."

She nodded wordlessly.

He was divorcing her.

He was leaving her.

"She calls you 'daddy' Finn." Rachel reminded him softly.

His heart clenched in his chest.

"I know. And the idea of leaving her kills me. But this… This is better. Kids are smart Rachel. She would have figured it out. She'll be OK. She probably won't even remember me." He said, finality filling his voice.

Silence settled over them. She gazed at the papers in front of her, seeing them but not reading them.

Finally, he stood. "I'm going to go pack. I want to be gone before she gets home." He told her softly.

She didn't fight him. There was no point.

An hour later, he was gone.

Just like that, 16 years of her life walked out the door.

At a moment where she should have been crying tears of joy and relief, she felt hollow and empty.

She was alone.

The man she'd counted on to love her until the end of time had left without so much as a backwards glance.

This was most definitely not how her life was supposed to turn out.

But then, if you'd asked her how she expected her to life to pan out, she would likely have absolutely no idea.

The urge to call Noah yanked on her heart strings. They hadn't spoken in 4 years. He'd yet to meet the girl he didn't know was his daughter.

Rachel brushed the tears from her eyes. "He may not know her now but he's about to." She whispered to herself as she logged into her computer and set about booking her and her daughter two plane tickets back to Lima.

_It's time to try doing this right for once._

A/N: So no Puck in this one, but I promise he'll make an appearance in the next one!


	15. Ready?

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 15: Ready?

_Whether joy or sorrowful, the heart needs a double, because a joy shared is doubled and a pain that is shared is divided._

**October 2026**

Rachel surveyed her appearance in the mirror critically. Her eyes were dull and lifeless, her hair was limp and dirty. Her eyes were rimmed in red and watery.

But she wasn't surprised. She'd been rocking this look since August when she'd decided to surprised Noah by showing up unannounced, daughter in hand, on his doorstep.

What she hadn't counted on was the petite redhead who'd answered the door.

In shock, Rachel fumbled up an excuse about being an old high school friend in town to visit family.

The redhead, AKA Ashley Puckerman, smiled brightly and ushered her in. She asked Rachel all kinds of questions about her life in New York, her shows, the celebrities she'd met. If she wasn't so heartbroken about his marriage, she probably would have liked the girl.

Instead, she'd answered her questions as quickly as possible, gathered up her daughter, made some excuse about having to meet up with her dads and zipped out.

She'd made it as far as the car before the tears penetrated her tightly closed eyes. She holds back the sob that's threatening to burst from her throat. She doesn't want to scare Caroline.

She drove to her fathers, pushed Caro into their arms and collapsed onto the bed, finally able to release the tears she'd been holding back.

Her fathers heard the gut wrenching sobs coming from the floor above them.

They knew some of the complicated story that was Noah and Rachel, but not all. All they knew at this point was that she was hurting and didn't want to be bothered.

Two days later, she pulled it together enough to get back to New York and far away from Noah and Ashley Puckerman.

No such luck though. Noah found out about her visit. Ashley had informed him of her visit. She'd expected that. It wasn't as if she could ask the woman not to tell him. That would be odd.

He'd tried everything to get in touch with her.

He'd called.

"Berry, it's me. Again. I heard you were here…. I ran into Tina, she said Finn filed for divorce. Call me."

"Hey babe, it's me. Please pick up. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was married. I guess I didn't think you wanted me anymore after the baby. Ashley says she's got the most gorgeous green eyes. You really should call me."

"Rachel, c'mon. This isn't fair. I didn't do anything wrong here. You need to call me. We need to talk."

He'd texted.

**Noah:** I know you aren't listening to my voicemails. You gotta read this. I know he left, I know you came by. I need to hear from you.

**Noah:** I can't keep apologizing for doing nothing wrong.

**Noah: **I won't lie, I'm glad you came after me for once. Now you know how I felt all those years. It hurts doesn't it? It hurts seeing the one you love be loved by someone other than you.

He'd emailed.

Rach,

I don't know how else I can get ahold of you. You haven't replied to any of my texts and you haven't called me back.

He left huh? Tina told me he cheated. Apparently you took it a little too well. Wanted out? Realized it didn't hurt because he wasn't the one you wanted?

Took you long enough.

Caroline is mine. I can't even be mad. I lost the ability to be mad at you a long time ago.

I wanted to be. I wanted to be mad at you. I wanted to be mad at you for letting Finn love you, for letting me love you. I wanted to be mad at you for marrying him, for lying to me when I asked if she was mine, (Yes, I knew even then)I wanted to be mad at you for pretty much ruining me forever. I wanted to be mad at you for letting me marry someone who wasn't you. I wanted to mad at you for not letting me wait for you.

I was prepared to do it. I was. I would have waited forever because I knew what would happen. I knew it wouldn't last.

And deep down, so did you.

Fucked up thing is, I think that's why you wouldn't let me wait.

You never got over the whole "we'd fight too much, we'd push too much, we'd want it all too much" thing did you?

That's why you pushed me away.

15 years ago you got pissed at me because I didn't tell you I was dating Dana. You were mad I was dating her but said it was because I didn't end our arrangement prior to starting things with Dana. I asked you a question.

I asked you what made you think it was over?

I'm going to ask you again.

I'm not going to go into why my marriage isn't meant to be. I'm not going to go into it because at the end, it's all very simple. It doesn't work because she's not you.

Please write me back.

I love you.

Noah.

His emailed had literally yanked her heart through her chest, pulled it in two, put it back together and shoved it back in.

That was three weeks ago.

She hadn't replied.

She didn't know how to.

Instead, she spent her time, when she wasn't with Caro, alone in bed, sobbing.

So much had happened, so much time had gone by.

How was she supposed to go back now?

There it was, right in front of her. He was offering her another chance. A chance she was positive she did NOT deserve.

But what was he offering? Was he willing to do? Cheat? Leave her? Did he just want to see Caroline?

After week four, she couldn't take it anymore.

She logged into her computer, pulled up the email she'd read a hundred times and hit reply.

Noah-

Forgive me for not replying to the rest of the email but I feel I'm plagued by one part in particular. I need to address it before I can process any farther.

You said it wasn't over.

What is it that you're proposing?

Do you want me back as the 'other woman'?

Do you want to be friends?

……………… Or do you just want me? Because if you left, if you left her….. If you left her I wouldn't tell you no. I'm ready Noah. I know it's taken me sixteen years, a marriage and a child, but I'm ready. And if you're not, if you want to remain with Ashley I will completely understand.

I just… I just wanted you know you were right.

I love you too.

Rachel

She'd fired off the email and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Three weeks into waiting, she'd stopped.

She got his message.

He wanted to remain married.

She swallowed the lump in her throat when the meaning of his silence became clear.

It took a month. It took a month for her to start to feel normal again. She was auditioning again, she smiled from time to time now, she was recovering.

Smack in the middle of dinner there was a rap at her door. She wiped her hands and glanced down at her appearance. Black track shorts and a food stained white shirt. Her five year old found food fights ridiculously hilarious.

_Just like someone else I know…. Knew._

She strode to the door and threw it open, fully expecting it to be her neighbor Lily stopping by to return some books she'd borrowed.

Instead she was met with a very familiar pair of green eyes.

Her mouth fell open.

"Noah." She squeaked out.

"Just you. I just want you. You and our daughter. That is, if you're still ready."

He didn't give her a chance to respond.

Instead, he grabbed hold of her waist, yanked her flush against him and crushed her mouth to hers.

"I love you."

"You too babe."

So this is starting to come to a close, obviously. What'd you think?


	16. Broadway Calling

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 16: Broadway Calling

_Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal._

**July 2028**

She was restless. Any fool could see it.

Any fool, that is, except her husband.

He apparently, was as blind as a bat.

Two years they'd been in Lima, married for a year and she was slowly going insane.

She'd picked up her entire life, daughter and all, and moved here, for him.

Never once in their two years had he suggested they move back to Lima.

At first, she'd been fine with it. They had their wedding, their daughter, their house. They were happy.

But after the dust settled, she discovered "they" weren't happy. He might've been and Caroline was obviously thrilled, but Rachel, Rachel was far from happy.

She'd tried to ignore it, push the feeling back, swallow her complaints.

She couldn't anymore. Not after the phone call from her favorite director.

"We need you back here Rachel. Didn't you tell me you were born to play Elphaba?"

She'd hesitated at his question.

The thing is, she was born to play that role. It was her dream role, the only one that had evaded her.

And now Jeff Barclay was offering it up on a silver platter, no audition required. She just had to pack up her bags and be back in the city by the end of the month.

"How long is it running?" She'd asked at last.

"Indefinitely. Role's yours for as long as you want it."

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Can I have until the end of the week to decide?" She questioned meekly.

"For you, yes. I don't do that for just anyone." He reminded her sternly.

She'd squeaked out her thanks and hung up.

That was Tuesday.

It was Thursday night. Dinner was more than halfway over with.

_I have to tell him, I have to say something. If I don't, I'll never forgive myself. _

"Mommy?"

Caroline startled her out of her thoughts.

"Can I be done now?" The little girl questioned, pointing to her now empty child sized plate.

"Yes, that's fine. Go on, go play." She coaxed her little one.

She turned her gaze back to her husband whose eyes were trained on their daughter's retreating figure.

"What's wrong Rachel?" He questioned softly, finally sliding his eyes to her fidgety figure.

She'd been twisting and pulling and picking at herself the last several minutes. Of course he'd noticed.

"I got offered Elphaba in Wicked back in New York." She blurted out, unable to keep the news to herself any longer.

Noah sucked in a quick breath. That wasn't what he was expecting.

"When did you start auditioning again? How were you even able to if you were here?" He asked as he scrubbed a hand over his head.

"Didn't have to. They offered, no audition required." She replied, her voice small and tentative.

He gave a heavy sigh and turned his gaze to her. "Did you tell them no?"

"I haven't said anything yet. I don't to tell them until tomorrow." She whispered. She knew this was about to get ugly.

"Tomorrow? TOMORROW! Rachel, how long have you known?" He demanded as he shot up in his seat.

"All week."

His eyes bulged then narrowed.

"You want to do it." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

And he wasn't wrong.

"I do."

He raked his dark, anger filled green eyes over the woman in front of him. She wanted to leave him, go back to New York… All for some dumb show.

"You're really ready to pick Wicked over me? Your daughter?" He asked, his voice falling a bit.

Her head snapped up at the mention of Caroline.

"Caroline-" She started to protest.

"Will stay here with me. You know I can't go with you. You KNOW that, and I'm not letting you shuffle our daughter's life like this. She'll be with nannies and in daycare all the time. If you're going, she's staying." His voice was hard and cold. He absolutely hated speaking to her like this but she couldn't just rip his daughter from him like this.

Her head fell to her hands and her shoulders started to shake with silent sobs.

He wanted to comfort her. He really and truly did. But he couldn't, not now, he wasn't going to let his daughter go.

"So what's it going to be? Us or New York?"

A/N: I know, I'm not being very nice to you guys, because they just got over the Finn thing and now she's running back to New York? But this is Rachel Berry, she is a little bit crazy. More to come.

A big shoutout to MAG721. This chick, she reviews EVERYTHING. Every chapter. All of it. Makes me smile! Thanks to all of you and all your alerts, reviews, etc.

GLEE FINALE TONIGHT! I'm totally having a Glee Party. We're having slushies!


	17. Reunion

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

Chapter 17: Reunion

_Loneliness breaks the spirit._

**May 2038**

"Dad?"

The sound of his eighteen year old daughter's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Hey Caro." He greeted her as she stepped into his study.

He turned his attention back to the highball glass filled to the brim with scotch.

"You know, mom's going to be here in an hour." Caro reminded him quietly. He smiled wryly. That was his girl, short and to the point.

_So much like Rachel…._

His eyes shifted back to her face. Her big brown eyes met his intense green gaze. She wasn't one for backing down, but then, neither were her parents.

"Thought you were picking her up at the airport?" He questioned conversationally, his finger tracing the rim of his glass absently.

"She said she'd rather take a cab and not interrupt my big moment. Then she went on about crossing the bridge from teenager into adulthood and how important this moment was going to be. God, you'd think I was up for some sort award or something. I'm just graduating. From high school no less." She finished, a sarcastic smirk crossing her features.

He gave a dry chuckle at her little diatribe. How they'd managed to create a child capable of blending their personalities together so gracefully was beyond him.

"It is a big deal kiddo. And your mom's proud of you, let her have that." He replied, his tone almost wistful.

Caroline saw her opening and took it.

"I told her you said she could stay here but she's insisting on a hotel." Caroline informed him, hoping her words would shake her father into action.

"Well, Caro, we aren't together anymore, can't say I'm surprised." He replied absently, his eyes focusing on some random object in the distance.

"That's not true. You're still married." Caroline pointed out, again attempting to ruffle her father.

"Legally separated is enough. Neither of us wanted to deal with the stresses of divorce. You know all of this. You need to stop trying to stir the pot and go get ready for the ceremony." He responded, his tone indicating that this was not up for discussion.

She turned and vacated the study without another word.

He glanced at the clock. Her email had indicated she'd be there by 4. It was 3:45. Just as he turned away, the distinct sound of a car door slam reached his ears.

A quick glance out the window in the kitchen confirmed his suspicions. He took one last, long pull on his drink before depositing the glass into the sink and made his way to the front door.

Rachel started at the front door suddenly swinging open in front of her.

She found herself gazing up into the eyes of her "husband".

"Noah. Good to see you." She greeted, her voice steady, her tone even.

He gave her a small smile. "Rachel. Come on in. Caroline's upstairs getting ready." He informed her as he closed the door behind her.

She nodded as she stepped into her old living room. Not much had changed. Nothing in fact. She gazed around before awkwardly settling on the couch.

"Can I get you anything? Water? Wine? Tea?" He offered politely.

Rachel stared at him like he'd grown a third eye.

"Water would be fine." She told him at last before he disappeared into the kitchen.

She didn't have long to ponder his peculiar behavior because her daughter flew down the stairs and into her arms.

Rachel beamed at her daughter and tugged her close.

"Hey baby girl." Rachel whispered into her ear.

Both women had tears in their eyes as they held tight to one another.

Neither noticed Noah's re-entry. He silently put Rachel's glass of water down and retreated to his study to give the two their private time.

After several long moments, the women separated and both dropped to the couch to catch up.

After Rachel inquired about school, boys, college and glee, Caroline took over and bombarded her mom with questions about her new show, New York, her apartment, and everything else she could think of.

Finally, when she couldn't stand it any longer, she asked the question she'd been turning over in her head since she'd walked through the door.

"Caro, I know this is a strange question, especially coming from me, but your father… He's… He's different… What's wrong? Did something happen?"

Caroline gazed up into her mother's worried eyes. Her concern was evident. Caro cleared her throat and turned her gaze away.

"Did something happen? Well, yes. Something did. You left." Caroline admitted at last.

Rachel gasped at the blunt statement.

"Sorry mom. I don't mean to hurt you. It's just… Dad's not really ever been the same since you left."

"Caroline, sweetheart, you were so young when I moved back-" Rachel started.

Caroline steeled her expression. "I remember mom. I remember when you left. I remember all the voicemails dad left. I remember hearing him tell grandma that he felt lost without you. That he felt like he'd wasted his life. I've listened to him turn down dates, telling women he's married, or he doesn't date anymore. What happened was you, mom. He loves you."

Rachel was at a loss. She'd barely spoken to Noah over the years, only when it was about Caroline did they speak. She had no idea after all this time that he still loved her.

She cleared her throat and stood.

"You know, Caro, I think I need to get to my hotel and get myself checked in. I think I need a nap. I'll be there tonight at 6 sharp." Rachel told her daughter as she brushed her lips across Caroline's cheek and hurried out the door.

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

"You did beautifully love." Noah told his daughter as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Caroline smiled proudly up at her father as she clutched her diploma from William McKinley High School.

Her mother approached from behind them. Noah gave her a small nod as he released his daughter from his grip and let her hug her mom. "I'm so proud of you baby girl." Rachel cried into her daughter's hair.

Noah watched the two embrace. Without thinking, he grabbed his camera and snapped a shot of the two holding onto one another.

All too soon Caroline was bidding her goodbyes and rushing off to meet her friends for a post graduation celebration.

Rachel stayed behind to chat with Quinn and Finn, whose daughter Allie had graduated with Caroline.

They invited her along to a parents dinner but she politely declined, citing her exhaustion as an excuse.

She made her way towards the back parking lot by the football field. She'd barely arrived on time so she'd been forced to park on the other side of the school.

She was about to climb in her car when a figure caught her eye. Someone was in the bleachers on the field.

She squinted across and with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, realization washed over her.

Noah.

After depositing her purse and heels into the car she silently strode towards him, feeling a sense of déjà vu as she climbed up behind him.

He was silent still, staring off into the night sky.

"Do you miss it?"

He gave a noncommittal grunt.

"I miss it sometimes. Life was so much simpler in high school. We just didn't know it."

He shrugged and kept his eyes trained on the night sky.

"Caroline tells me you're still in love with me." She blurted out before she stopped to realize what she was actually saying.

She waited for the denial, the blow off, any sort of explosive reaction.

"She's not wrong." He replied softly.

"I thought we went over this-" She started but he stopped her.

"No, YOU went over this. Then YOU left." He reminded her quietly but firmly.

Rachel gulped in a breath of air.

"I'm so sorry Noah. I just… I guess I thought you'd be over me by now, that this was over. I'll just go. This is just too much for both of us." She stood and scurried down the bleachers.

"Are you over me?"

His question halted her midstep.

"Noah-"

"C'mon Rach. It's been 10 years. I think I deserve this much."

She hesitated and turned back to him.

"Not really. No."

He stood and was in front of her in 3 strides.

"Rachel Rachel Rachel… How many times do I have to ask you this?" He questioned, his gaze intense and piercing.

"Ask me what?" She questioned, confused marring her face.

"What makes you think it's over?"

Before she could answer, he'd pulled her off the final step and into his arms.

His lips closed over hers and he claimed what had rightfully been his all along.

Her heart.


	18. Old Habits

A/N: This will progress through time, jumping a month in some cases, up to a year or more in others.

A/N 2: The Finn/Quinn situation. I intended to throw them back together because that's what seems to happen. As far as "their" daughter, that was a typo on my end, it was supposed to be Quinn's daughter. (Not the one given up, one she had afterwards, with an unnamed man.)

Chapter 18: Old Habits

_Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are_

**September 2046**

**Noah:** Meet me in the upstairs bathroom in 5 minutes.

Rachel glanced down at the text message lighting up her phone and then back up at Noah, who was presently standing about 5 feet away, chatting with the Rabbi.

She scowled angrily at his back as she sent back a quick response.

**BerryP:** What you're suggesting is highly inappropriate, especially given you sent it in the presence of the Rabbi presiding over our daughter's wedding! We are too old for this Noah!

She slipped her phone back into her clutch before turning to greet some recently arrived family friends. While she couldn't say she was surprised by her husband's suggestion, she certainly was allowed to be appalled by it.

Noah rolled his eyes at his wife's long winded response. Yes, it might've been inappropriate to send it while talking to Rabbi Cohen. And maybe it wasn't the best timing since they were smack in the middle of the rehearsal dinner for their daughter's wedding.

But that dress… That dress… He'd never been so grateful for his wife's dedication to exercising and eating healthy until now. Age be damned, his wife was smoking hot. And it was getting more and more difficult to ignore the situation in his pants.

He excused himself from his conversation with the Rabbi and casually made his way to the stairwell that led to the second floor of the house they were currently occupying.

About halfway up the stairs he turned to look back out over the crowd. He spotted Rachel almost instantly. She was watching him, arms crossed, eyebrow arched questioningly.

He threw her a wink in return and jogged up the last few stairs.

**Noah:** I know your sense of adventure is in there somewhere. You might be too old but I'm not.

Noah slipped into the decently sized men's room just down the hall from the stairs, locked the door, and waited.

He glanced at his phone a few times but her response never came. A twinge of disappointment coursed through him. He'd really thought she'd go for this, especially after the age comment. If there was one thing his wife hated, it was being called old.

A moment later, the knob on the bathroom jiggled. "I'm coming." He called to the person on the other side.

Sighing heavily, he straightened his tie and smoothed his hand over his short hair. Once he was satisfied with his appearance, he unlocked the door and pulled it open, prepared to hand it over to the man in line.

Instead, he found himself staring into Rachel's deep, chocolate brown eyes.

"Isn't that my line?" She asked, her voice low and husky.

He felt himself visibly gulp as she took a step further, pushing him back into the bathroom.

It took only seconds before he'd regained the bravado he was notorious for.

"Oh it is… And trust me, the last thing I wanna do is take that away from you." He whispered in her ear.

The door clicked shut and the lock turned loudly into place.

Caroline peeked around the corner, a very familiar smirk crossing her face.

"Caro?" Her maid of honor whispered from a few steps below her.

Caroline turned her gaze back to Laney Chang.

"Umm… What are you doing exactly?" The small Asian girl questioned.

She hesitated to answer as she snuck another look down the hall she'd followed her parents down.

Before she could answer, a hand closed around her arm.

"We all know your parents are total horn dogs. I'm sure the last you need to be doing right now is experiencing that first hand." Santana informed her as she pulled the offspring of her former schoolmates down the stairs.

"Where did you come from….?" Caroline trailed off as the lithe Latina pulled her down the stairs.

Noah quickly zipped up his pants before gesturing for Rachel to turn around. She turned her back to him and he zipped her dress back into place while she smoothed her hair and fixed her makeup.

"Think they noticed we left?" He questioned quietly.

She rolled her eyes at him. "It's us. I'm quite certain they noticed." She replied dryly.

Rachel grabbed her purse and gestured for him to head out.

He gave her a slightly crooked grin and stepped out, only to stop short and as a result, Rachel ran smack into him.

"You guys have to stop doing this at my house." Brittany informed them from her post on the other side of the hall.

Rachel's face reddened and Noah shifted his eyes away. To say this was a bit awkward would be putting it mildly.

"And you guys thought I was the dumb one." She muttered as she made her way back downstairs.

Rachel turned to her husband, her face crimson from the sheer mortification.

His chuckle died in his throat when her clutch came down on his shoulder. "NOAH!" She shrieked in a loud whisper.

She smacked him with her clutch several more times as she cursed him, his libido and his existence in general.

When he finally recovered from his fit of laughter, he grabbed her arm and yanked her to him.

"Rachel, you know I don't care, right?" He asked, his green eyes boring into her brown ones.

"How can you not care? If Brittany knew, then surely-" She started before he cut her off.

"I don't care because those moments are our history, they're how we got here. They're us. Without those moments, we wouldn't be here. Are you really going to abuse me over that?" He asked, his hands snaking around her still slim waist.

Something in her eyes softened and she rewarded his words with a small grin.

"See Noah? Feelings aren't so difficult!" She chirped happily.

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Please, I know what my emotional side does to you…" He whispered in her ear as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and led her back to the party.

"Save your energy and I'll show you just exactly what it does to me."

And that's all folks.

I truly hope you've enjoyed this. I have. Thanks to all my loyal readers and reviewers, you guys make my day!

I do hope you'll continue reading my other Puckleberry story, Life Set to Music. And be on the lookout for some new stuff!


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